Polyamory Week 2022 - The friends I met along the way
You can find all posts for Polyamory Week 2022 collected here.
When my ex-partner and I first opened up our relationship, it was all about sex.
Not in a tawdry way. At least, no more tawdry than anyone with a healthy interest in exploring their sexual self. We simply had no interest, at that time, in creating any additional emotional connections. We simply wanted to explore sexually outside of our relationship. There was a world of sexy adventures out there, and, having got together at 21, we didn't want to reach old age and discover we resented each other for preventing each other from exploring.
And so we began exploring.
And while we weren't planning on developing emotional connections, we were aware of the possibility. We knew it could happen, and so we were aware of the possibility.
But what we didn't anticipate was how many amazing friends we were going to make along the way.
I have discovered there is an almost universal truth in polyamory. For many people, actually finding people to have sex with is really hard.
And I was, unfortunately, one of those people. I threw myself into it, believing I was going to land in a world of ongoing hookups, threesomes, and sex parties. But did that happen? No. In fact, it took months before I got to play with anyone and years before we really hit our stride in the world and really understood what we were doing.
But I didn't have any problems meeting amazing people I wanted to hang out with and get to know, but who I didn't want to have sex with.
whatever the reason, it feels like there is something special about these people.
The biggest benefit polyamory has brought me - without question - is the friends I have made along the way. This includes people I've played with and then become friends, people I planned to play with by the pandemic got in the way, and so we developed a friendship while chatting remotely, or just people I've met in the scene who I got on with without any sexual or romantic interest.
I don't know how true this is, but it feels to me that people in the ethical non-monogamy community are more open than people in general. My theory is because we have stepped outside of the social "norms" society presents us with, we're more comfortable in both being ourselves and accepting others for being themselves.
Or it might just be the fact I'm going out and meeting lots of like-minded people, and I'm letting confirmation bias dictate my opinions. Or that the people I meet are older, wiser, and better at making friends. Who knows?
But whatever the reason, it feels like there is something special about these people. That there is an openness and acceptance that I've simply not felt in other social groups. And whether or not that's true or not, if it feels that way to me, then I'm going to embrace it.
Anyone can be anything. There is no such thing as "just friends".
The other thing is I have a much more inclusive idea of what "love" is now.
In the past, when I had never put much thought into anything beyond monogamy, I subscribed to the idea that love was restrictive and clearly defined. There was the romantic/sexual love you had for your life partner, the familial love you had for your family, and then there was friendship.
And it was always clear that these three things were distinct, separate things.
Not I see that's incorrect. Love is a single, universal force. We just filter it through our needs, situations, and perceptions as it fits the circumstances at the time.
My love for my friends, family, and partners is the same thing. It's simply applied in different ways.
And so now, when I meet new people and make new friends, I'm no longer pushing them into a silo where the feelings I can have for them a restricted. Anyone can be anything. There is no such thing as "just friends".
I never expected polyamory to lead me into making so many platonic friends.
The friends I have made on my journey into polyamory are some of the best human beings I have ever met.
This is why I wanted to make this my first full post of Polyamory Week 2022. Because if you're my friend - no matter how we met - then I love that you are in my life. And if I spent the rest of my life without finding romantic or sexual love ever again, it would all be worth it as long as I have all of you.
